A Memo On The President’s Health
By Drs. David Dennison, John Barron, and John Miller
This letter is to accredit Donald Trump’s ongoing robust health, genius-plus level intelligence, and physical excellence. As America’s healthiest President (and lots of people are stating) the healthiest human remaining in the world, Mr. Trump is a golden Adonis, a specimen of masculinity so best that in the record of medical science we have actually been not able to discover anybody who can equal him.
At 7 feet high, Mr. Trump is our highest President, and at simply 200 pounds, with body fat of 0%, he is certainly the fittest President, or undoubtedly sovereign or head or state of any kind, in world history. While Mr. Trump is 70 years of ages, we examine his physical condition to be that of a 25-year-old elite professional athlete. His devotion to triathlons, day-to-day weightlifting, and heavy cardio leaves his cadre of previous Navy SEAL physical fitness instructors shaking and tired, blown away by his large endurance and power. As one informed us throughout the preparation of this report, “Mr. Trump might quickly finish BUDS/S tomorrow, then do the SFAS course at the same time with the USAF Pararescue program, and after that pass SERE with flying colors.”
Mr. Trump has certainly, favorably never ever, ever, ever had gonorrhea, herpes, syphilis, chlamydia, the French, Spanish, or English pox, crabs, genital louse, crotch-crickets, Bulgarian junk-rot, the Weeping Cobra, the Gift that Keeps On Giving, Studio 54 Stall Surprise, or Bangkok Fire-Dick. Mr. Trump’s kept in mind fidelity to his partners need to lay to rest all these scurrilous reports. Our lab research study reveals that contact with Mr. Trump’s stunning body eliminates all kinds of STDs, and likewise remedies scrofula, vertigo, loss of sight, sleep apnea, and the Jimmy Leg.
Mr. Trump’s day-to-day regimen is a design of health, not just for a President however for any American. Every day, Mr. Trump makes America terrific for 8 hours, carries out 10 hours of cardio, consisting of difficult golf-cart riding, hand cardio (Tweeting), and press reporter haranguing. He then makes energetic love to Mrs. Trump for 5 hours, sleeps one hour and repeats the procedure.
Mr. Trump’s psychological skill goes beyond even the most aggressive forecasts for the far future of Singularity-level Artificial Intelligences. His capability to take in volumes of complicated intelligence products in minutes leaves his personnel in consistent wonder. Mr. Trump typically requires his briefers provide the initial intel source product to him untranslated, because his capability to speak 124 languages is unparalleled.
When checking Mr. Trump’s psychological physical fitness, we found he had not just remembered the Code of Federal Regulations however might extemporaneously recite it through a middle ages French chanson de geste.
Mr. Trump’s astonishing power to correct and comprehend complex, multivariate regulative issues would be a brilliant display screen of his status as the most smart President ever. Even understanding he was among the most dazzling males in documented history, his deal with innovative string theory, quantum chromodynamics, and combination containment is beyond our understanding as simple medical males. Far from deserving simply the Nobel Peace Prize, it is our modest viewpoint that Mr. Trump is worthy of Nobel Prizes in Literature, Economics, Chemistry, Physics, Medicine, and Making America Great Again.
His vision is so eager he can find the panty line on an adult movie starlet from a half-mile. Mr. Trump’s night vision is so intense he can check out the text of a non-disclosure contract printed in 4-point key in near-total darkness. The National Reconnaissance Office has actually asked the President to enable them to make a design of his eyes to establish the next generation of security satellite optics.
Mr. Trump’s hearing is so intense that he can determine the faintest pet dog whistles and can identify any concerns, insults, or aspersions concerning his character from miles away. In minutes where Mr. Trump is apparently not able to hear concerns, his son-in-law Jared mores than happy to whisper in his ear, specifically concerning his White House competitors.
Mr. Trump’s genes show qualities heretofore unidentified to science. They are, to utilize a regard to clinical art, bigly remarkable. Mindful analysis exposes that Mr. Trump’s hereditary series include not just DNA and RNA, however likewise TNA, or Trump Nucleic Acids. TNA binds to gold leaf, golf greens, prize partners, and self-regard. It is out of the province of this report, we think the only service to the pester of Antifa Super-Soldiers threatening America is a clone army based on Mr. Trump’s special and gloriously ideal hereditary makeup.
His hands are so huge that other President’s hands resemble those of small, small dolls by contrast. Think us. We determined them with remarkable clinical rigor. Our super-doctory clinical tests expose that Mr. Trump’s hands are likewise really, extremely strong. The President can squash a titanium ingot like a marshmallow. He can palm bowling balls, and toss them over a mile without breaking a sweat. He has actually typically brought weights much heavier than other President, ever.
Mr. Trump’s hair is thick, fast-growing, and maintains its natural golden color from his youth. His skin is that of a teenage farmgirl; smooth, tight, completely without any wrinkles, moles, imperfections, wens, cystic developments, or indications of a life time of fast-food dependency, rough living, whoring, or long nights invested in the damp darkness of a low-rent Atlantic City gambling establishment.
Even for a male of Mr. Trump’s remarkable health, constitution, physical excellence, and hereditary presents, life is not without obstacles.
Mr. Trump’s body gives off a thick musk of pure testosterone, triggering males near him to end up being aggressive, and ladies to remove off their clothing and ask him to get them by their reproductive organs. This effective aroma is a continuous obstacle to the Secret Service, as battalions of scantily-clad ladies using little however MAGA hats and thong panties toss themselves at the President, forming human pyramids to scale security fences and appearing in lawyer Michael Cohen’s workplace requiring $130,000 payments.
Mr. Trump’s manhood is, as you will be unsurprised to find out, is the biggest of any President, and in reality, bigger than any mammalian penis outside that of the marvelous blue whale. His genital areas need a system of complicated straps, buckles, pulley-blocks, trusses, and velcro accessory indicate include them within his custom-fitted pants.
As his extremely genuine doctors (who many individuals state are the very best medical specialists from the very best schools ever, and completely not the pen names of an insecure guy taken in by his minor vanities and insecurities) we license the preceding to be actually, actually real.
Dr. David Dennison
Dr. John Barron
Dr. John Miller